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Hello, Fearless One.

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I've been thinking about when I first got glasses and how much they changed the way I could see.

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Until then, I hadn't realized how blurry the world had become.

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I had been accepting it as normal because it was the way I was used to seeing.

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The world hadn't suddenly changed, but I could see more clearly.

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And it made me question, how often does that happen in our lives?

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We think we know what a situation means.

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We think we know what people are like.

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We think we know what is possible for us.

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But what if some of what we're seeing is being shaped by a lens we've been wearing

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since we were 8 or 10 or 15?

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What if we've grown up, but the meaning we gave an experience hasn't grown with us?

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Today, we're talking about changing that lens.

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But before we get into it,

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follow or subscribe wherever you're listening and share this episode with someone

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who is ready to see their life with fresh eyes.

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Think about a child in a classroom who can't clearly see the words on the board.

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They become frustrated.

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They stop participating.

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They might avoid the work because it feels difficult or embarrassing.

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An adult may assume they aren't trying or wonder whether there is a learning difficulty.

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But in this example,

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part of the problem is that the child simply cannot see what they are being asked

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to read.

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The right support starts with understanding what is happening.

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Now imagine that same child deciding, I'm stupid.

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I'm not good at learning.

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Even when the difficulty is addressed, that conclusion might remain.

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And that is the part I want us to think about.

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An experience happens.

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We give it a meaning.

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Then we begin to organize our lives around that meaning.

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Someone leaves and we decide we aren't worth staying for.

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We grow up hearing arguments about money and we decide money always brings trouble.

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We're laughed at when we speak and we decide it is safer to remain quiet.

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Those conclusions can feel like facts because we've carried them for so long.

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But we need to ask whether they tell the whole truth.

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In 1 Corinthians 13 verse 11,

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Paul describes how as a child,

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his speech, understanding, and thinking were those of a child.

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Becoming a man involved putting away childish things.

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Then in verse 12, he uses the image of seeing through a glass darkly.

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He is talking about a mirror and

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about how incomplete our present understanding is compared with the fullness

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to come.

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He isn't talking about prescription glasses,

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but his words give us a useful invitation to humility.

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We don't see everything.

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We don't know everything.

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And we can apply that to the way we understand our own stories.

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At eight years old,

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you could only interpret an experience with the understanding

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and information available to you at eight.

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You couldn't know every pressure the adults around you were under.

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You couldn't understand every complicated relationship.

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You might not have had anyone helping you make sense of what was happening.

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So perhaps you made yourself the explanation.

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It must be my fault.

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There must be something wrong with me.

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If I were better, they would love me differently.

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Now you're an adult.

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You have more knowledge, more language, and more choices.

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You can revisit that conclusion.

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Putting away childish things does not mean shaming the child you were.

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That child needed care.

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They were trying to understand their world.

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It means allowing your understanding to mature.

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You can say,

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I understand why I believed that then but I no longer have to build my life around

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that belief.

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Let's be clear about something.

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Seeing an experience differently does not require you to call something harmful good.

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If someone mistreated you, a mature perspective does not make their behavior acceptable.

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You don't have to invent a reason for it, minimize it, or give that person access to you again.

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What can change is the conclusion you carry about yourself.

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Someone's failure to care for you does not establish that you are unworthy of care.

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Being betrayed does not mean you deserved betrayal.

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Being overlooked does not mean you have nothing to offer.

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You may never know every reason another person acted as they did.

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You can still recognize that their actions do not define your value.

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This is where our fearless framework begins.

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Blessed.

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Identity.

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Ask yourself, Who did God create me to be?

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If I answer that question entirely through rejection,

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disappointment,

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or someone else's opinion,

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I may spend my life trying to become acceptable to people who are never equipped

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to tell me who I am.

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I need to bring my understanding of myself back to God.

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What has he said about me?

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What has he placed within me?

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What am I treating as a verdict that he has never given?

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From there, being fruitful is development.

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I begin to grow the capacity to think and respond differently.

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Multiply is impact.

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I become more willing to contribute what I have instead of continually hiding it.

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And dominion is stewardship.

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I take responsibility for the choices, boundaries, and habits through which I live.

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An old interpretation can influence all four.

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Renewing it can change how we move through each one.

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So how do we do this?

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Romans chapter 12 verse 2 connects transformation with the renewing of our minds.

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There is work here.

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We learn to examine what we have accepted,

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bring it before God, and practice living from a clearer understanding.

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Let me give you five steps.

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First, notice where the old lens shows up.

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You don't have to revisit your entire childhood today.

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Start with one present situation.

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Perhaps someone hasn't replied to a message and immediately you feel rejected.

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Perhaps you need to send an invoice and you feel guilty about asking to be paid.

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Perhaps an opportunity opens and before you've considered it,

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you've decided someone like you could never do it.

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Pause.

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Ask, what am I assuming this means?

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Second, separate the event from your interpretation.

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The events might be they haven't replied.

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The interpretation might be I don't matter to them.

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Those are different statements.

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Maybe there is a problem.

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Maybe they're busy.

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At this point, you may not have enough information.

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You can acknowledge what you feel without treating the first explanation that comes

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to mind as a settled fact.

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Third, ask where did you learn that meaning?

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When did I begin to believe that asking for something makes me a burden?

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When did I decide that having money would make me selfish?

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When did I learn that being visible was dangerous?

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You may notice a specific memory, a repeated message, or an atmosphere you grew up in.

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You may not know immediately.

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Give yourself room to reflect without forcing an answer.

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Fourth, look for a truer understanding.

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Ask God to help you see what you have missed.

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Consider the evidence you have today.

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Consider the skills you've developed,

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the people who have supported you and the choices available to you now.

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If your old conclusion was that you aren't capable,

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a truer understanding might be,

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I struggled then, but I have and will continue to learn with the right support.

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If your old conclusion was that you must please everyone to keep relationships,

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a truer understanding might be, I can care about people and have boundaries.

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If your old conclusion was that money only creates trouble,

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a truer understanding might be,

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I can learn to manage money responsibly and use it to support my family,

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my work and my community.

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Choose something truthful enough to live by.

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You don't have to pretend you feel fearless.

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Fifth, take one action from that understanding.

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Send the invoice.

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Ask for clarification instead of assuming rejection.

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Accept help.

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Express a preference.

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Make the application.

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Your new understanding needs a place to become practice.

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Does making that choice mean every painful memory disappears?

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No.

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You might understand something differently and still feel the old fear.

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You might respond well today and struggle with the same situation next week.

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That does not mean you have made no progress.

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When you notice the old conclusion returning,

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you can ask again, is this what is happening to me now?

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Or is this the meaning I've carried from before?

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Then choose your next response.

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Sometimes you will need support to do that.

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A trusted person,

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a counselor,

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or another qualified professional can help you work through experiences

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that are difficult for you to revisit alone.

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Getting help can be one of the choices you make for your future.

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You don't have to measure growth by whether you ever remember the past.

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Notice whether you're gaining more freedom in how you respond.

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Can you pause where you once reacted immediately?

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Can you ask a question where you once assumed the worst?

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Can you make a different choice even while the old feeling is still present?

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That is meaningful progress.

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In Isaiah 43, God speaks to his people about a new act of deliverance.

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In verse 19, he says, he will do a new thing and asks whether they will recognize it.

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That's a Selah moment right there.

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Could I be so focused on how things have always been that I fail

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to recognize what is opening in front of me?

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Could I meet someone kind and spend the whole time waiting for them

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to become someone from my past?

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Could I receive an opportunity and only see the last time something went wrong?

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We still need discernment.

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We still need boundaries.

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We still need to look at the evidence, but we also need room for something new.

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Lamentations chapter 3, 22 to 23 speaks of God's mercies being new every morning.

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Those words sit within a book of grief.

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Hope appears there without pretending the suffering never happened.

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That gives us a way to approach our own days.

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Yesterday happened.

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Its consequences may still need attention.

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And today, there is mercy to meet us as we take the next step.

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You can try again.

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You can learn something you weren't taught.

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You can build a healthier relationship with money.

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You can discover that you have more to contribute than you once believed.

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You can allow today's evidence to challenge yesterday's assumptions.

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Before we finish, take these questions with you.

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Where am I still interpreting adult life through a conclusion I made as a child?

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What happened and what did I decide it meant about me?

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What do I understand now that I couldn't understand then?

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What might change if I brought that conclusion before God and allowed Him to challenge it?

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And what is one action I can take this week from a clearer understanding?

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Write down three things,

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the experience,

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the meaning you've carried, and a truer understanding you can begin to practice.

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Start with something manageable.

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You don't need to solve your whole story in one sitting.

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In my book,

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Live Fairless,

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A Christian Entrepreneur's Guide to Life and Business,

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I explore identity and what becomes possible when we build from who God created us

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to be.

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If this conversation has raised questions about your own identity,

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the book is a place to continue.

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Fairless one, you were working with the understanding you had then.

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You are allowed to grow beyond it.

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You can honor what you survived,

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take care of what still hurts, and make room for the life you have today.

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This week, when a familiar conclusion rises up, pause long enough to examine it.

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Ask God for clarity.

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Look at what is actually in front of you.

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Choose one response that reflects who you are becoming.

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Thank you for listening to Fearless One.

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Follow or subscribe and share this episode with someone who needs permission

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to see their story differently.

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Until next time, Live Fearless.

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Thank you for listening to Fearless One with Nerissa Golden.

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For more resources or to get in touch, head to nerissagolden.com.