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Have you ever had your heart broken?

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I mean, chest aching, cannot eat, cannot sleep, cannot imagine feeling whole again heartbreak.

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Today, I want to introduce you to a friend who is not frightened by wounded hearts.

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He does not ask you to hide the broken pieces or pretend that everything is fine.

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His name is Jesus.

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Hello, fearless one.

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I'm Nerissa Golden.

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And today we are talking about what happens when heartbreak begins affecting how we think.

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I know today's topic isn't the kind we want to deal with at all in our lives,

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but I feel led to do this.

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And if you know someone who is dealing with a broken heart

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or life's disappointments right now,

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I want you to share it with them and add a little note about your desire for them

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to be healed and whole.

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I'm going to tell on my big sis for a minute.

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We used to share a room as children

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and I remember she would always be reading these Mills and Boone's romance novels.

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Color me surprised the other day to see Mills and Boone's novels are still in print,

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just more modern.

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But anyway, she would have the books and always hiding them when my parents came in the room.

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And I guess I would sneak to see what she was reading and eventually began sneaking

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to read them too.

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Of course, that eventually leads to daydreaming that one day you would fall in love.

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And of course, in the inevitable course of the relationship, the man breaks your heart.

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And I swear you felt that heartbreak as if it were real in your own 12 year old way.

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But in many ways,

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as much as in my imagination,

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I could feel the ache and longing as if I'd been in love with this dashing hero.

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I also knew it wasn't real.

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Well, I was completely shocked the first time I really had my heart broken.

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That it wasn't metaphorical.

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It isn't imagination.

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I swear if a doctor had cut me open, he would find my heart in pieces.

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That stuff really hurts.

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I don't mean to make light of it, but it is a genuine pain that you feel in your physical body.

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It also wounds your spirit and leaves a scar.

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That experience taught me that heartbreak is not merely a poetic idea.

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Emotional pain can be felt in the body.

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But I also learned that what we do with that pain determines whether it becomes part

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of our story or takes control of the story.

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One more confession.

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I don't let my cuts just heal and keep it moving.

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I am going to mess with that thing even as the body does what it does.

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And wouldn't you know you ripped that scab off and you're bleeding again?

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I want you to know today that Jesus is asking you to stop playing with the cut.

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Playing with the cut can look like repeatedly checking someone's social media.

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Rehearsing what happened,

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returning to conversations that cannot change the outcome,

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using the wound as proof that no one can be trusted,

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rejecting new possibilities before they can hurt us,

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building an identity around what was lost.

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Remembering what happened is not the same as playing with the cut.

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Grieving is not failure.

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Healing does not require you to deny the wound.

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Playing with the cut is when we repeatedly return to the pain in ways that keep it open.

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Before I began to write this episode,

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I was planning to go in a completely different direction,

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but I felt led to this path today.

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There is a song written by Wayne Watson,

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but the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir made it a major hit in the 80s,

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Friend of a Wounded Heart.

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The song came to mind and I had to play it.

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I will add a link to the show notes so you can take a listen.

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But it starts, smile, make them think you're happy, laugh and say that things are fine.

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We do that, don't we?

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We have been raised to hide our emotions, to suck it up, shake it off, move on.

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And just as in episode seven,

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I spoke about celebrating and taking the time to make memorials to the good things.

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We must be willing to stop and acknowledge the things that have shaken our world.

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Broken our heart made us get shaky and doubtful about our future.

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When pain remains unacknowledged, it can begin to shape the way we think, respond, and live.

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Prolonged emotional distress can affect our sleep, appetite, energy, and physical well-being.

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It can also cause us to lose hope, abandon dreams, and withdraw from life.

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Scripture describes this as wounded or broken spirit.

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Proverbs 18, 4 acts, A wounded spirit?

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Who can bear?

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The Bible does not pretend that emotional pain stays neatly contained in one part of us.

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It can affect how we experience everything.

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A broken heart doesn't have to become a broken life.

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Jesus invites us to acknowledge the wound,

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bring it to him, and receive the help we need to begin living again.

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Even when it's not physical death,

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it can be the death of a dream or goal, an unwillingness to try again.

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We give up.

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We decide this thing is not for me.

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It is not meant for me to have good things.

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I want you to know that your friend Jesus wants to heal your wounded and broken heart.

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The writer of Psalm 83,

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3 to 4 and verse 6 said,

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For my soul is full of troubles and my life draught nigh unto the grave.

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I am counted with them that go down into the pit.

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Thou hast laid me in the lowest pit, in darkness, in the deeps.

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David said in Psalms 32, 3,

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and 4, When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long.

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For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me.

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My moisture is turned into the drought of summer.

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He is telling us that his inability to express the anguish

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and guilt feel like he is physically wasting away.

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Sometimes when I read the Psalms, I think that David was very dramatic.

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Today we would say he was very in touch with his feelings.

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He celebrated God when things were good and when they weren't.

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He cried out to God when he screwed up and when he felt lost and alone.

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You may not have someone you feel you can share the pain that is causing you

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to feel hopeless today,

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but I want you to know that God is with you and he hears you.

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I want you to be honest with him.

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He sent Jesus to not only be our savior, but to have a real understanding of how humans feel.

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Then he let Jesus live out a life that we can model.

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Isaiah 61, 1-3,

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speaking the words that Jesus would later repeat in the synagogue,

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says, The spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me.

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He says,

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Matthew 11, 28 says, John 14, 1 says,

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Believe also in me.

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Hey, fearless one.

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This is Nerissa Golden.

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I know you already have a copy of my book,

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Live Fairless,

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a Christian entrepreneur's guide to life and business on your bookshelf or

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on your Kindle.

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Thank you so much for buying it, but you haven't cracked it open yet.

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I want to encourage you to do that.

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Read it a little at a time and work through the reflection questions at the end of each chapter.

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If you don't have a copy, be sure to get yours in the format you prefer at amazon.com.

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Your God loves you.

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I want you to take a deep breath and say out loud, I am loved.

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I want you to imagine God standing in front of you and he's beckoning you.

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Don't hesitate.

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Run.

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Just allow him to embrace you and feel him taking away all the pain.

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He's not rushing you, so you don't need to let go of him just yet.

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Rest.

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He wants to give you rest.

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When you're ready, unburden your soul to him.

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Show him the broken pieces and ask him, what can he do with that?

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Trust me, he will take them.

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Remember that song?

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Give them all, give them all to Jesus.

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Shattered dreams, wounded hearts and broken toys.

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I don't know why I've been feeling so nostalgic today.

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Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus and he will turn your sorrow into joy.

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That was Dallas Holmes.

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I know I use God and Jesus interchangeably because they're all one and the same and yet unique.

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So if it's not daddy God you want to unburden yourself to,

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then let your big brother Jesus, your lawyer and best friend take the load off.

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Neither one of them will turn you away.

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In this moment,

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those of you listening who are physically sick are on my heart

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and I see God beckoning you not to despair.

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Not to be brokenhearted or feel shame at what you feel you've left undone or never achieved.

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I see him asking for those broken pieces.

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He wants to heal you where you are.

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The song says, Jesus, he meets you where you are.

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Jesus, he heals your secret scars.

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May I just pray with you today?

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Jesus, I have nothing to give you but broken hopes and dreams.

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A heart that is shattered beyond repair and And a life that has been less

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than I expected it to be.

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I haven't lived up to my own expectations and I don't feel in this moment

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that I'm even worthy to ask you to do this.

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But I ask you now to take this shattered heart, take my shattered dreams and turn them into joy.

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My body is a reflection of the pain I've been carrying for so long.

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I don't want to be in pain anymore.

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I want to live.

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I want to get back in the playground of life and be brave enough to follow

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the dreams that have lived in my heart for decades.

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I give it all to you.

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Thank you for being my Lord.

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Thank you for being my friend.

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Thank you for being my big brother.

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Thank you Jesus for sacrificing all for me so I could live.

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Today I receive your love, your help and the courage to begin healing.

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Wow, I'm excited for you.

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Psalms 147 verse 3 says,

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Sometimes Jesus begins healing us through prayer and scripture.

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Sometimes he also uses a doctor, therapist, counselor, pastor, trusted friend or support group.

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Receiving help is not evidence that your faith has failed.

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It may be part of God's provision for your healing.

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If you're a parent or you have younger siblings,

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you might remember when one of them would fall off a playground apparatus

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and you would help them get back up and you set them back

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to doing what they were doing.

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Sometimes we might have wished they would sit quietly, but no.

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They want to go back to jumping off the jungle gym or going backwards down the slide.

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Once Jesus has taken the pain that you've handed over,

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he isn't going to say, sit here indefinitely.

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He will nudge you to go back out to play.

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Whether that's about dating again or starting a new business or pursuing

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that dream you put down, he's calling you to model him.

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Just as in Isaiah 61, he told us what he came to do.

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He's expecting you to do the same.

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Now you have named it.

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You've told the truth about what hurt and what you lost.

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You've brought it honestly to Jesus and I hope you can share it with someone safe.

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And if there is no one, write it in your journal or on your phone in a note.

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Next, you've got to move.

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Take one small action that reconnects you with life.

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Your movement may be sending a voice note, accepting an invitation, holding someone's hand.

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Humming a song,

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doodling,

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booking a counseling appointment,

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or returning to something you once loved,

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this is how you get back on the playground.

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Heartbreak does not only make us question what happened, it can make us question who we are.

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We begin to call ourselves unwanted, foolish, abandoned, or forgotten.

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But what happened to you does not have the authority to rename you.

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Your identity was established by God before your heart was ever broken.

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I want to know if this episode was for you.

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Send me a message on Instagram at trulynerissagolden or leave

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a comment wherever you listen to this podcast.

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Next week, we're going to talk about getting back out into that playground of life.

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Until then, live fearless.

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Thank you for listening to Fearless One with Nerissa Golden.

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If this episode encouraged or challenged you,

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please subscribe, leave a comment and share it with someone who may need to hear it.

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and make it easier for others to discover the podcast.

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This podcast is intended to encourage and inform.

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It is not a substitute for medical advice,

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mental health care, professional counseling or pastoral support.

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If you are struggling, please reach out to a qualified professional or someone you trust.

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If you feel you may harm yourself or are in immediate danger,

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contact your local emergency services or crisis support service now.

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Until next time, remember who you are, whose you are, and live fearless.